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My strong suspicion is we get the world we deserve.

This world is way too much complicated. When you find yourself trying so hard to understand it, nothing keeps making all the senses as it always has. Tell me something, when something bad happens to you, do you wonder why it’s happened to you? Wait, wait. Don’t answer that. Answer this one – when something really good happens to you, do you wonder the same? You, here, actually are not answering any of my questions. So, there’s absolutely no need not to be honest here. I mean, c’mon, what would it take to be honest for like some couples of minutes with yourself?

Every now and then, I hear from people, mostly friends, that they wish to go back in time. Back in time, where life was simpler. Most of the times it’s their school life, sometimes college life. When classes were all (well, mostly) about attending, or not, and having fun with friends, discussing the weirdest possible things and not giving any damn about the lectures. How cool would it be to be able to travel back in time and reliving the happiest times of our lives! No, wait, wrong punctuation. I meant to ask that. How cool would it actually be?

We crave change. It’s in our nature, human nature. However good things are, we’ll always think that it might have been better if things panned out somewhat differently. So, when it comes to reliving past times, it’s never actually about reliving. Given, you go back in time, it’s a certainty that you’ll do things differently, trying to make things better, or different; Changing memories; Changing yourself. Memories are precious. Maybe the reason it’s precious is ‘cause it can’t be altered. And I like it that way. Reliving the memory is tempting for sure but it’s just not worth it, to mess it all up while at it.

What I’m trying to say is, I miss being my old self. Everything was less complicated back when, I miss that time. It was really good way back when I was a totally self absorbed arsehole; When I felt like I rock and mess up real bad; When somebody I care about haven’t yet turned into somewhat living-dead to me or a zombie if you’d say; When I wasn’t yet expended by someone unexpendable, guess I had that one coming. But, through all that, I love the “Me” that came into being. It’s like that dialogue from the movie, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 – “You know what it is I love about being Spider-Man? Everything!” Just instead of “Spider-Man”, it’s “Me” (though I think being Spider-Man would’ve been way cooler, and also I get to hangout with Emily Jean Stone).

As I was saying, the reason, if someone gave me the chance to travel back in time, I wouldn’t is that I don’t wanna mess up my memories and also I really don’t wanna end up being someone else. Instead, I’d like to look forward into the future, and know that whatever comes I deserved it and whatever doesn’t I didn’t.

09:15:28 PM
Dec 15, 2015